Down And Dirty wc-5 Read online

  "Yeah, but you're a crank. It's a big flamboyant act with you. You're also an adult, and one incredibly arrogant son-ofa-bitch, and you could care less what people say about you. You don't want Blaise to abuse his power, but you've almost guaranteed that he'll have to. There's nothing crueler than kids, and he's going to be tormented until he lashes out. Then you'll be disappointed and disapproving, and he'll be resentful, and what a perfect vicious circle you've created."

  "You should write a book. Clearly your vast experience has made you an authority on child rearing."

  "Ah, hell, Tachyon. I like the kid. I even occasionally like you. Love him, Tachyon, and relax."

  "I do love him."

  "No, you love what he represents. You're obsessive about him because your im-" He bit off the words and flushed a deep red. "Ah, hell, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up."

  "How do you even know?"

  "Fantasy told me."

  "Bitch."

  "Hey, relax there too, and everything will probably work out. It's no big deal."

  "Braun, you cannot conceive of what a big deal it is. Progeny, continuance-Oh, fuck! Are you also planning to offer psychiatric counseling at your new casino? Do what you do best, Jack-drift and make money. But leave me alone!"

  "With pleasure!"

  Seizing the picnic hamper and the blanket, Tachyon stormed away in search of Blaise.

  "Where's Uncle Jack?"

  "Uncle Jack had an appointment in Atlantic City."

  "You two had a fight again. Why do you two fight so much?"

  Ancient history,

  "Then you should forget it."

  "Don't you start too." Tach waved down a cab. "Where are we going?"

  "To Mark's."

  "Oh."

  "J. J., Please wait for me," Tachyon instructed when they pulled up in front of the Cosmic Pumpkin.

  "Hokay, but the meters she keeps running," the man replied in a thick and unplaceable accent.

  "That's fine."

  "I'll wait too," said Blaise in a small voice. And Tachyon felt a moment's shame, remembering his lack of control the last time they had visited the Pumpkin.

  He stuck his head in the door. "Mark."

  "Yo."

  "Quick question. Have you been bothered with emissaries from various criminal organizations?" The handful of diners from CUNY stared at the Takisian wide-eyed. "Huh?"

  Tach expelled air in a sharp puff of irritation. "Have you been asked to pay protection?"

  "Oh, is that what you meant. Oh, yeah, man, months ago, but I like

  … had one of my… friends show up, and they haven't been back."

  "Would that everyone had friends like yours, Mark."

  "Is that it?"

  "That's it."_ "Anything I can do to help?"

  "I don't think so."

  Tachyon slid into the cab and gave the hack the clinic's address.

  "Ohhhh, Jokertowns. Yous that doctors?"

  "Yes."

  "I sees you on the televisions. Peri Green's Perches."

  "That's Peregrine, and yes, that was me."

  "Holy Jesus!"

  The driver's exclamation jerked Tach's attention to the road ahead. A jumble of police cars, their lights flashing, blocked Hester Street. With a wail an ambulance shot past. "Shit, must be anothers, how you says, hits."

  "Stop, stop at once."

  Leaping from the cab, Tach darted under the police tape. A woman's keening filled the air, and a basso voice amplified by a bullhorn ordered knots of muttering people to move along. Tachyon spotted Detective Maseryk and pushed up to him.

  "What?",

  "How the hell… oh, hi, Doc." The detective stared curiously at the small boy who gazed with interest at the sprawled bodies in the shattered restaurant.

  Tachyon rounded on Blaise. "Get back to the cab and wait there."

  "Ahhh-"

  "Now!"

  "Looks like another little party," said Maseryk when Blaise had reluctantly drooped away. "But this time an uninvited guest got mixed up in it too." He jerked his head toward the sobbing woman, who was clutching at a small form in a bodybag being lifted into the ambulance.

  Tachyon ran to the stretcher, unzipped the bag, and stared down at the child. He hadn't been very attractive to start with, a squat-bottomed heavy body sat upon broad flippers, and he looked a lot worse with half his head shot away. Spinning, the Takisian caught the woman in a tight embrace.

  "MY BABY! MY BABY! DON'T LET THEM TAKE MY BABY!"

  A rescue worker approached, hypodermic at the ready. Tachyon stilled the sobbing mother with a brief touch of his power and handed her to the man.

  "Treat her kindly."

  "Looks like Gambione boys," Maseryk called as he stared thoughtfully down at one sprawled body. Several strings of spaghetti hung from the corpse's mouth, leaving wet, red trails on his chin. "The Fists came cruising by and opened up. Car will be found, and be stolen, so that'll be another dead end. Too bad about the kid though. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time."

  The detective noticed Tachyon's continued silence and glanced down.

  "I don't want dead ends, Maseryk, I want these men."

  "We're working on it."

  "Perhaps it is time I took a hand."

  "No, for Christ's sake, the last thing we need are civilians getting in the way. Just stay out of this."

  "Nobody kills my people in my town!"

  "Huh? The mayors going to be mighty surprised to hear he lost and you won the last election," he yelled after Tachyon's retreating back.

  "Cognac," spat Tachyon to Sascha, the Crystal Palace's blind bartender. He threw his blue velvet hat, sewn with pearls and sequins, onto the bar and tossed back the drink. He extended the snifter. "Another."

  A whiff of exotic frangipani perfume, and Chrysalis slid onto the stool next to him. The blue eyes floating within their hollows of bone stared impassively down at him.

  "You're supposed to savor good brandy, not throw it down like a wino after a cheap drunk. Unless that's what you're after."

  "You sound like a recruiter for AA."

  Reaching out, Chrysalis wrapped one short red curl around her forefinger. "So what's the matter, Tachy?"

  "This senseless gang war. Today an innocent caught in the crossfire. A joker child. I think he lives on this block. I remember seeing him on Wild Card Day last September."

  "Oh." She continued playing with his short-cropped hair. "Stop that! And is that all you have to say?"

  "What should I say?"

  "How about a little outrage?"

  "I deal in information, not outrage."

  "God, you can be a cold bitch."

  "Circumstances have rather guaranteed that, Tachyon. I don't ask for pity, and I don't give any. I do what I have to do to survive with what I am. What I've become."

  He reared back at the bitterness in her voice. For she was one of his bastard children-born of his failure and his pain.

  "Chrysalis, we have to do something."

  "Like what?"

  "Prevent Jokertown from becoming a battlefield."

  "It is already."

  "Then make it too dangerous for them to fight here. Will you help me?"

  "No. I take sides, and I've lost my neutrality."

  "Willing to sell weapons to all sides, eh?"

  "If that's what it takes."

  "What is it you're after, Chrysalis?"

  "Safety."

  He slid off the stool. "There is none this side of the grave."

  "Go be a fire-breather, Tachyon. And when you come up with something a little more concrete than an amorphous desire to protect Jokertown, let me know."

  "Why? So you can sell me out to the highest bidder?" And now it was her turn to rear back, the blood washing like a dark tide through the shadowy muscles of her face.

  "Okay, let's come to order now," called Des, delicately tapping a spoon against the side of a brandy snifter.

  The shifting throng gave
a final shudder, like a beast falling into sleep, and silence filled the Funhouse. Mark Meadows, looking even more vacuous and absurd in the image-distorting mirrors of the Funhouse, was conspicuous for his very normalcy. The rest of the room looked like a gathering of carnival freaks. Ernie the Lizard had his rill raised, and it was flushed a deep scarlet under the emotion of the moment. Arachne, her eight legs catching at the thread of silk being extruded by her bulbous body, placidly wove a shawl. Shiner, with Doughboy huge and lumpish seated beside him, jiggled nervously in his chair. Walrus, in one of his loud Hawaiian shirts, fished a paper from his shoping cart and handed it back to Gobbler. Troll leaned his nine-foot length against the door as if ready to repel any outsiders. "Doctor."

  Des dropped into a chair like a discarded suit. As Tachyon stepped forward to face the crowd, he wondered how much longer until the old man was forced to enter the hospital for that final stay.

  "Ladies and gentlemen, you've all heard about Alex Reichmann?" There were murmurers of assent, sympathy, and outrage. "I had the misfortune to stumble across that scene only moments after the Shadow Fists had made their hit and succeeded in killing not only their intended targets but one of our own. I've only been back a few weeks. I've heard the stories of intimidation and vandalism, but I thought I could stay neutral. In the words of another, and perhaps more famous, physician: 'I'm a doctor, not a policeman.'" That drew a couple of laughs.

  "But the police are failing in their duty to us," Tachyon continued. "Not perhaps out of deliberate neglect, but because this war far exceeds their capacity to keep the peace. So I'd like to propose today that we form our own peacekeepers. A neighborhood watch on a grand scale, but with a twist. Many of you fall into that uncomfortable category of joker/ aces." The alien nodded to Ernie and Troll, whose metahuman strength was well-known. "I propose that we also form response teams. Pairs of jokers and aces ready to respond to a call from any concerned citizen of Jokertown. Des has already offered the Funhouse as the central axis, the switchboard, if you will, for incoming calls. People who agree to be part of this effort will turn in times they would be available, and their work and home addresses. Whoever's on duty here will match a team to the problem spot and send them out."

  "Just a point, Tachy," called jube. "Those guys have guns."

  "True, but they're also just nats."

  "And some of my… er, the Captain's 'friends' are impervious to bullets," piped up Mark Meadows.

  "As is Turtle and Jack and Hammer-"

  "So you propose using aces as well?" asked Des, a slight frown between his eyes.

  Tach looked at him in surprise. "Yes."

  "May I point out that Rosemary Muldoon tried that back in March, and then it was revealed that she was a member of the Mafia herself. It's left rather a bad taste in people's mouths where aces are concerned."

  Tachyon waved aside the objection. "Well, none of us are likely to be revealed as secret members of the Mafia. So what do you think? Are you willing to work with me on this?"

  "Where does Chrysalis stand on this?" asked Gobbler. "And is it a comment that she's not here?"

  "Well," began Tach, shifting uncomfortably.

  "Yeah," called out Gills. "If Chrysalis isn't here, it's got to mean something. She may know something."

  Tachyon stared in dismay at the sea of faces before him. They were closing down like night-blooming flowers retreating from the touch of the sun.

  "Chrysalis and Des have always been two of the top figures in Jokertown. If she's not in on this, I don't trust it," cried Gobbler, his red wattle bouncing on his beak.

  "What about me?" cried Tachyon.

  "You're not one of us. Never can be," a voice called from the back of the room, and Tachyon couldn't pick out the speaker. A grinding weight seemed to have settled into the center of his chest at the woman's words.

  "Look, we're not saying it's a bad idea," said the Oddity. "We're just saying that without Chrysalis it seems like were missing a major part."

  "If I get Chrysalis?" asked the Takisian a little desperately. "Then we are with you."

  Digger Downs was trotting down the stairs from Chrysalis's private third-floor apartments. Tachyon glared at him and nodded shortly. He noted that the journalist was carrying the current issue of Time with Gregg Hartmann's picture on the cover and the caption "Will He Run?" and a copy of Who's Who in America.

  "Hey, Tachy. Des. What's the good word?"

  "Beat it, Digger."

  "Hey, you're not still sore-"

  "Beat it."

  "The public's got a right to know. My article on Peregrine's pregnancy did a valuable service. It pointed out the dangers of a wild card child."

  "Your article was a sensational bit of garbage."

  "You're just pissed because Peri got mad at you. You never are going to get a crack at her, Doc. I hear she and that boyfriend are thinking about getting-"

  Tachyon mind-controlled him and marched him down the stairs and out the front door of the Crystal Palace.

  "I'd consider that an assault," said Des.

  "Let him prove it." "You don't have a lot of sensitivity sometimes, Tachyon." The alien turned, leaned against the banister, and frowned down at the joker. "Meaning what, Des?"

  "You shouldn't involve aces in what should be a joker project. Or don't you think we're capable of handling it ourselves?"

  "Oh, burning sky! Why are you so touchy? There was no implicit slur in my inviting in aces. I would say the more firepower we have the better."

  "Why are you doing this?"

  "Because they're hurting my people, and no one hurts my people."

  "And?"

  "And Jokertown is my home."

  "And?"

  "And what!"

  "You come from an aristocratic culture, Tachyon. Do you by chance view us as your own private fiefdom?"

  "That's not fair, Des," he cried, but he knew that his hurt was tempered with a sudden flare of guilt. He climbed a few more stairs then paused and said, "All right, no aces."

  Chrysalis was waiting for them, seated in a high-backed red velvet chair. Victorian antiques littered the room, and the walls were filled with mirrors. Tach suppressed a shudder and wondered how she could stand it. And again felt a stab of guilt. If Chrysalis wanted to look at herself, who was he to judge her? He who in many senses was her creator. He frowned at Des, wishing the old joker had not raised so many uncomfortable emotions.

  "So without me you've got no goon squad," she drawled in her affected British accent.

  "I should have known that you would have heard by now."

  "That's my business, Tachy."

  "Chrysalis, please, we need you."

  "What are you going to give me for it?"

  Des seated himself opposite her, hands clasped between his knees, leaned in intently. "Make a gift to yourself, Chrysalis."

  "What?"

  "For once in your life put aside profit and margin. You're a joker, Chrysalis, help your fellows. I've spent twenty-three years fighting for jokers, for this little piece of turf. Twentythree years with JADL measuring my life by a few successes. Now I'm dying, and I'm watching it all erode away. Leo Barnett says we're sinners, and our deformities are God's judgment upon us. To the Fists and the Mafia we're just so many consumers. The ugliest, most hateful consumers they've got, but consumers nonetheless, and our town is their central marketplace. We're just things to them, Chrysalis. Things who stick their dope in our arms, and our cocks in their women. Things they can terrorize and things they can kill. Help us stop them. Help us force them to see us as men."

  Chrysalis stared at him out of that impassive, transparent face. The skull without emotion.

  "Chrysalis, you admire all things British. Then honor an old British custom of granting a dying man his last request. Help Tachyon. Help our people."

  The Takisian held out his hand and twined his fingers through the fingers at the end of Des's trunk. Drew him close and embraced him. Said farewell.

  Concert
o for Siren and Serotonin

  IV

  When Croyd awoke, he pushed aside mop handles, stepped into a bucket, and fell forward. The closet's door offered small resistance to the wild, forward thrust of his hands. As it sprang open and he sprawled, the light stabbing painfully into his eyes, he began to recall the circumstances preceding his repose: the centaur-doctor-Finn-and that funny sleepmachine, yes… And another little death would mean another sleep-change.

  Lying in the hallway, he counted his fingers. There were ten of them all right, but his skin was dead white. He shook off the bucket, climbed to his feet, and stumbled again. His left arm shot downward, touched the floor, and pushed against it. This impelled him to his feet and over backward. He executed an aerial somersault to his rear, landed on his feet, and toppled rearward again. His hands dropped toward the floor to catch himself, then he withdrew them without making contact and simply let himself fall. Years of experience had already given him a suspicion as to what new factor had entered his life-situation. His overcompensations were telling him something about his reflexes.

  When he rose again, his movements were very slow, but they grew more and more normal as he explored. By the time he located a washroom all traces of excessive speed or slowness had vanished. When he studied himself in the mirror, he discovered that, in addition to having grown taller and thinner, it was now a pink-eyed countenance that he regarded, a shock of white hair above the high, glacial brow. He massaged his temples, licked his lips, and shrugged. He was familiar with albinism. It was not the first time he had come up short in the pigment department.

  He sought his mirrorshades then recalled that Demise had kicked them off. No matter. He'd pick up another pair along with some sun block. Perhaps he'd better dye the hair too, he decided. Less conspicuous that way.

  Whatever, his stomach was signaling its emptiness in a frantic fashion. No time for paperwork, for checking out properly-if, indeed, he'd been checked in properly. He was not at all certain that was the case. Best simply to avoid everyone if he didn't want to be delayed on the road to food. He could stop by and thank Finn another time.

  Moving as Bentley had taught him long ago, all of his senses extended fully, he began his exit.